Notes from the Waxhaws

Loving what is

with 4 comments

In her book, Loving What Is, Byron Katie writes:

If you want reality to be different than it is, you might as well try to teach a cat to bark. You can try and try, and in the end the cat will look up at you and say, “Meow.” Wanting reality to be different than it is is hopeless. You can spend the rest of your life trying to teach a cat to bark.

I’ve been ‘arguing’ with reality the past few days.

Last Thursday night at seven o’clock (coincidentally, my birthday), I received a call from the animal hospital where Belle, my 13-year old Pomeranian, was being cared for after suddenly becoming ill the day before…the vet thinking it might be a heart problem. I had visited earlier in the day, holding her in my lap for about an hour…having the feeling that this wasn’t going to turn out well. I left her to rest, hoping that she would feel better in the morning.

But later that evening, the vet called to say she wasn’t doing very well…her heart was racing…and she was gasping for breath. I jumped into the car and drove into town. In the darkness, I knocked on the side door of the animal hospital, and was let in. Belle was lying on an exam table…huffing oxygen from a tube held in front of her little nose. The vet spelled out the options for me…none of them really good…most requiring more suffering on Belle’s part. I tearfully gave the word, and within a few seconds…as I softly stroked her head and back…she was gone.

Born in Arkansas…Belle came into our lives when we lived in Florida on the Gulf. She moved with us back to California…walked the cliffs at Santa Cruz…saw the desert as we passed through Arizona on the way back to Florida…and then on to the Carolinas. Her journey is over now. She was a sweet and gentle spirit. I miss her…and the house is very quiet now without her.

We experience grief when we’re separated from something that we’re attached to. Over the past few years, I’ve continued to learn that arguing with reality doesn’t do any good whatsoever. But…it doesn’t make it any easier. And, it still raises a lot of questions in my mind…questions that I’m not sure have any satisfying answers…at least not in this life. I’m trying to love what is…because that’s all we’re really given.

Written by Jim

March 2, 2014 at 12:35 pm

4 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. Jim, so sad to hear of yet another loss. I know how you love those you love. Tinker left just about a year and a half ago….now Belle. I am so sorry. I know what my Scout means to me….as I wrote recently: “Celebrated Scout’s 3rd birthday (and her rescuing me) with a walk from our new home to the dog beach. The day was breath-taking and life affirming. Funny how these devoted creatures go from being your babies before you had any, demoted to a mangy pet when your life is full of peanut butter sandwiches and baseball games, back to your best friend when the rooms are empty…without complaint. Wish I could be so loyally unconditional. Happy birthday silly girl. To the beach and beyond!”
    They come into our lives sometimes unexpectedly, love totally and leave all too soon. We know they will most likely precede us, yet we give them our hearts anyway. it’s so worth it….even though the pain of loss is so great. It’s the price we pay for loving….and we’d do it all over again. Hugs to you…keep writing. Lots of changes for me. I’ll get back at it again soon – I hope. pg

    Patti Grace

    March 2, 2014 at 7:57 pm

    • Thanks for your kind thoughts Patti. Hold Scout tight…and love on her all you can. It’s good to hear from you…hope all is well…and a warm hug to you.


      March 3, 2014 at 5:23 pm

  2. Dear Jim, I’m so sorry to hear that Belle has gone on her way. I have a hard time using words like “passed” – something done with cars and footballs – and with “loss” because love never is lost, it just changes or goes on a different journey. Perhaps both are the effects of reality which we can change simply by looking at love from new perspectives. I hope you can take solace in knowing that you gave Belle a long and loving life and that these gifts are what she took upon leaving. ~ Amy


    March 8, 2014 at 4:18 pm

    • Hi Amy…thanks for remembering Belle. I’m hoping we all meet again somewhere…sometime…somehow. Hope all is well with you – Jim


      March 9, 2014 at 6:24 pm

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: