Ah, but I was so much older then, I’m younger than that now.
— Bob Dylan, My Back Pages
I’m a different person than I was a year ago. In outward appearance, more or less the same…but something has definitely changed inside. It’s no longer business as usual. I try to go about my daily life as if nothing has changed…one day after another…but something’s just not computing the way it did before.
Sometimes…maybe…good will come out of bad. A shock to our system that forces us to look at things in new ways. Out of complacency…of taking things for granted…of losing sight of what’s really important in life. And sometimes, it may force us to reinvent ourselves…to see ourselves in a new light…to reconnect with that field of potentiality that mystics have spoken of down through the ages.
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field. I’ll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase each other
doesn’t make any sense.
So…who am I now? What am I in the process of becoming? Only time will tell. But…I’m slowly coming to a realization that…as we live…and endure…through the changes that life brings our way, and as we grow older and embrace these changes…in some mysterious ways we grow younger…and see the world afresh through new eyes.
Yesterday…mid-way in my drive home…I turned off the radio and again entered into silence. The sun…low in the western sky…flashing between the trees, whose long shadows lay across the highway ahead of me. Feeling the transition between the two very different worlds that I live in during the week. Later, at home, when the sun had set below the horizon, I walked out back of the house, where there’s a security light, atop a telephone pole, that comes on when it gets dark. I managed to find the right switch on the circuit breaker panel…and switched it off.
Last night was very dark…with a crescent moon hanging in the sky…still bright enough to cast shadows on the ground. And…thousands of stars overhead. I don’t think I need the nightlight any longer…