delithopia

Notes from the Waxhaws

Letting go

with 4 comments

I’ve been having this feeling lately…that I need to let go…to release my grasp on things…on who I think I am…on the future. Ever since Sharon died, the future has been collapsing…like a telescope closing in on itself. Where once there was a road extending outwards…with plans and destinations…with a vision of what would be…possibilities…it’s now turning into a road that comes to an abrupt stop…with no way directly ahead. Have to let go of all that…and just let it be…just let it go.

I don’t pretend anymore to know what this is all about. I don’t have any grand, unified theories of everything…of the universe. I do know that it’s most likely greater…more unimaginable…than we can even think.

So…I throw another log of red oak onto the fire on this chilly Autumn evening…flames releasing energy that was stored up on a hot summer day years ago. While my fingers dance on a magical device that rests on my lap…that communicates to the rest of the world through a medium invisible to the eye…while I listen to ethereal music that originates on some other continent…moving the molecules of air that vibrate over the tiny drums in my ears. All the while pretending that I’m not ‘living in a land of make believe’.

Something…or someone…is telling me that I have to let go…have to let be…it’s as simple as that. And see what the future brings

Written by Jim

November 4, 2011 at 8:58 pm

4 Responses

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  1. I am so very sorry for your loss, my heart just goes out to you. It sounds like you and Sharon shared quite the love. Ironically enough, the post I wrote today was about my husband who I lost to cancer 8 years ago. God Bless you, Jim and may you have better luck with letting go than I have.

    Gabby Angel

    November 4, 2011 at 10:37 pm

    • Thank you Gabby, Some days are easier than others…but the ’empty space’ is still ever present. Blessings to you!

      Jim

      November 5, 2011 at 6:24 pm

  2. You have such a beautiful way of creating an atmosphere with your words. I could just imagine you sitting there, most likely with the dogs snuggled close by. I think autumn is a beautiful time of year, but also very nostalgic for me in the sense of losing the warmth and freedom of summer. It’s always been that way…as a child heading back to school and as a parent not wanting the lazy days with the kids to end. While the colors of the falling leaves are breath-taking they remain reminders of how temporary all of this is…sigh. I send my blessing along with Gabby – for all three of us.

    PK

    November 6, 2011 at 11:38 pm

    • You’re so kind Patti. It is a wonderful time of the year…a good time for reveries…peaceful, and yet strangely melancholy. I know what you mean about the late nights and early mornings…when everything is a bit too quiet. My blessings to you too…

      Jim

      November 7, 2011 at 5:45 pm


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