delithopia

Notes from the Waxhaws

W

with 2 comments

It was a busy week at work. Finished up mid-year reviews for everyone in my group. Doing phone interviews to fill one position left vacant by someone who decided to move back home to the U.K. Planning a trip out to Redlands later this month.

I was thankful for this three day weekend. Nothing planned…just me and the dogs being lazy. That lasted about two hours. This mornIng I finally decided to get into the closet and pack up Sharon’s clothing. It seemed as if each item that I carefully folded and packed away flooded my mind with associated memories. At one point, I was on the verge of another meltdown, but I somehow managed to work my way through this unpleasant task that I had been putting off for over seven months now. I loaded everything into the car and made a trip to the local Goodwill in town. I can’t say I’m glad that it’s done…just something that needed to be done.

Yesterday afternoon I went in for an eye exam. Since my last visit was over a year ago, I needed to update some paperwork for their records. I was a bit thrown by two of the questions…actually kind of a mental block that temporarily froze my thought process.

Who should we contact in case of emergency?
(Hmmm…had to leave that one blank for now. )

Marital status: S M W D

I was about to circle the M…old habits die hard. After a few moments…and a long sigh…I circled the W for the first time in my life.

Written by Jim

September 3, 2011 at 10:50 pm

Posted in Grieving

2 Responses

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  1. Wow! I got a lump in my throat over this one…I can so identify. Good job, Jim. Silly to “pat” you on the head that way, but I think you need to congratulate yourself on getting through two huge firsts. Dealing with the personal items is SO difficult. I know exactly what you mean about the memories…I long for he wiff of him. I try to imagine them in an old leather coat and realize, reluctantly, that the smell is the leather…not him…sigh. It’s so difficult….even after more than a year. Seems like only yesterday. The identification of oneself by that single circled letter…ughhh – horrible feeling. I know I can put down other names for an emergency, but I don’t want to….I want it to be him. Everything I write feels like a big cliche….I feel like an old worn out cliche….I’m sick of it – sick. of. it.

    PK

    September 5, 2011 at 3:57 am

  2. I have to admit it…tried the sniff test too. Didn’t work for me either :(

    Hang in there Patti…you’re not alone.

    Jim

    September 5, 2011 at 9:07 am


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