delithopia

Notes from the Waxhaws

Six months

with one comment

Something clicked in my mind on the way to work this morning. We’ve had a long string of hot, humid days with the temperature touching the century mark. This morning was beautiful…a low curtain of foggy mist hovering over Twelve Mile Creek…the sun just a pale red disk glowing low in the hazy, moisture-laden sky.

Today is six months since Sharon died, and I think I passed some kind of milestone. On my drive to work, I was thinking of this ‘anniversary’ and suddenly found tears rolling down from my eyes. But…they weren’t tears of sorrow…of feeling sorry for myself, or feeling sad for Sharon. Oddly enough, I realized they were tears of joy. Joy for Sharon…for the fact that she was truly at rest…in the arms of her Lord. Most likely experiencing things that we can only dream of for now. No more need for me to worry about her…to be concerned about her well-being. The last ten years of her life were filled with a lot of pain…physical pain that even drugs the likes of percocet and hydrocodone barely masked. That was all being taken care of now…by someone much more capable than myself.

I saw my doctor on Monday for a regular checkup, and he asked me how I was coping with my loss. I honestly told him that this was the most difficult thing I’ve ever gone through in my entire life, far surpassing even the loss of both my parents. He said this is to be expected…the loss of a spouse can be extremely painful. Two people’s lives can get so entwined together, that when one suddenly ‘disappears’, there’s such a void left that it’s hard not to lose one’s equilibrium.

I know that Sharon’s rose was wrapped around my own heart…entwined with my own being…and when that was violently ripped out of place within the span of a few minutes…well…the feeling is just indescribable. It left an open and raw wound that has been aching ever since.

But this morning…I think I finally came to terms with the loss of Sharon. Seeing the beauty of the early morning light playing on mist and shadows…with the warm sun rising in the east. There’s something playing out here that’s much bigger than all of us…bigger than we can imagine. Sharon’s a part of that now…as we all will be soon enough. No more need to be concerned…no more need to worry about her. The rawness of that wound is starting to heal over…being replaced by an equally entwining sweetness of memory and consolation that can only come through the grace of God.

“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:25)

Written by Jim

July 22, 2011 at 7:18 pm

Posted in Grieving

One Response

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  1. Amen, Jim. The healing is beginning.

    PK

    July 23, 2011 at 2:27 am


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