delithopia

Notes from the Waxhaws

Sunday morning…

with 4 comments

This has been a rough day. I started cleaning out our closet this morning…putting some of Sharon’s things into a bag to take to the Goodwill. Only did a bit before I had to stop…it was just too much. I don’t know what’s harder… seeing her stuff every morning when I dress for work…or trying to clear it out…which I know has to be done sooner or later. Tying up the loose ends of someone’s life has been hard. The trip to the social security office…to the bank, to take her name off of our accounts. One of the hardest things for me was going down to the Verizon store to deactivate her cell phone…I was on the verge of a major meltdown as I left the store.  Then there’s her laptop computer, which has been sitting on the desk in the kitchen…unopened since January. I know she had written a journal of sorts during the last few months…and I was putting off reading it…although I knew I would have to eventually. Well…this morning I decided to tackle that too. All I can say is that reading it left me in tears…

This coming Wednesday, it will be five months. This isn’t getting any easier…

Written by Jim

June 19, 2011 at 7:20 pm

Posted in Grieving

4 Responses

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  1. Oh Jim, I feel so bad for you because I know exactly what you are going through (well my version of it anyway). It’s good though, as bad as it feels. You are dealing with these things and they must be done. You don’t need to rush, but like you say looking at the items or knowing the laptop is there is almost worse than just getting on with it. The tears are a healthy release. Don’t forget that website I told you about. (http://www.dailystrength.org/support-groups) When you see the menu of groups just scroll down to widow/widowers. If you decide to make a profile for yourself you can have complete control how public or private you want it to be. For your journal, just post the link for your blog. I think you have a lot to offer for everyone but especially other widowers. I know I mentioned it before, but just a reminder.
    I hadn’t planned to do more than post my blog, but I am very touched by many of the posts. So many good topics are covered like what you are doing right now. You not only realize your aren’t alone, but also it’s so reassuring to see how many loving relationships there are out there. We tend to hear about the demize of marriage….well the sanction is still viable…but our spouses are dying…..sort of screwy, huh?
    Take it slowly….it’s only been 5 months. The fog is lifting….this is real and it’s pretty damn sad. Hugs, patti

    PK

    June 20, 2011 at 4:44 am

    • Thanks Patti for the words of encouragement…I needed them when I woke up this morning. This whole situation is very real…and it’s extremely sad at times. But…His mercies are renewed every day. A warm hug to you too…Jim

      Jim

      June 20, 2011 at 6:32 pm

  2. Jim, I saw your profile on Daily Strength and followed the link to your blog here. My heartfelt sympathy to you in the loss of your dear Sharon. There are so many of us – widows & widowers – and more are added daily. I think I am one of the oldest members of DS – 73 – and I lost my husband to leukemia almost 3 yrs. ago. The first year of grief is very hard –something I learned through experience and from reading all the posts from others at DS. The fact that you have faith in God is wonderful; so many don’t – or they now question it because they lost their mate. I KNOW that He has sustained me in this journey; the pain was not removed, but He has walked through it with me. You will experience ups and downs, especially during all the “firsts” — birthdays, anniversary, Christmas, etc. For me, after the first year was over, I felt much better emotionally. It is different for everyone.

    You write beautifully, and express yourself so well. I’m sure your place in the woods is just beautiful. So sorry that you two weren’t able to be in it together longer. Your dogs are charming, and I know they bring great comfort to your days.

    I see that you are a geographer. Many years ago before moving to central Miss., I was a secretary (back when they still existed) in the Geography & Anthropology Dept. at LSU in Baton Rouge. This was in 1971-72. I learned so much about the field of geography (and anthro.) during that time. It was a very interesting place to work,and I met grad students and visiting professors from many countries.

    My hope is that God will bless and comfort you every step of this grief journey. From what I have read of your blog, you are sad, but you know that life goes on. This is the KEY, I believe. So many people have written “I just want him/her back; I want to die; I have nothing to live for” etc. It certainly is a devastating experience, but we can survive! I know there will always be a “hole” in my heart and life will be different without Frank. However, I believe he is with God in his heavenly home, and this comforts me. “These things have I spoken unto you, that in me you might have peace. In the world you shall have tribulation; but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
    Wishing you peace – Doye

    Doye Wood

    June 20, 2011 at 10:41 pm

    • Doye…Thank you so much for your thoughtful comments. Yes…these are trying times, but with the grace of God…and the support of others, I think we can get through these ‘dark woods’ that we find ourselves in at times. I know that you must still miss your dear Frank even after three years. I think I’ve learned now, that when two people love each other dearly, their hearts become so entwined, that they truly become as one…and separation becomes all that much more painful. But, I agree, that our consolation is that your Frank, and my Sharon, have just gone on ahead of us, and we’ll be meeting up with them sooner than we think! “Now…we see through a glass darkly…but then…”

      It’s truly a small world, isn’t it? When I was an undergraduate at university, I majored in Geography and minored in Anthropology. And…although I ended up staying and doing my graduate studies at Northern Illinois University (in my own ‘backyard’), one of the schools I had considered at the time was LSU.

      Please do visit my blog whenever you get the chance…I would welcome your comments at any time. May God bless you!

      Jim

      June 21, 2011 at 7:46 pm


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